Depression.

Now, whenever you hear the word "depression" or "depressed" a lot of people seem to have the same views on it, and don't seem to understand how hard it actually is to suffer such a thing. I fall in the category of the severe cases, and some days it's so hard to even want to get out of bed.

Lately, I have had a bad episode..to the point were I have been planning my own suicide in my head again. I know I shouldn't do these things, but I know deep down that I hopefully won't fall so low that I will actually do something stupid. The past couple of days, I hadn't had my medication and every little thing had got to me and I just wanted to cry constantly, because all I wanted was to die to feel at peace not to go through this torture. It's very selfish which is why I wouldn't do it in the right frame of mind. I mean don't get me wrong, I love the people in my life, especially my other half and little girl but when I go through these stages I blame myself for not being able to get us our own house, or for being a better person. I do think they deserve much better, someone who isn't ill. Someone to take care of them properly without having to worry about stepping on egg shells when I fall into these episodes. I just wish it would get easier, and maybe there will be some sort of silver lining at the end of the tunnel for us all.